WOW

The last 2 days have opened my eyes to things I never wanted to believe could be true in this world.

 1. To know that children are so viciously abused. 

2. To know that their are parents who do not want their children.

3. To know that the type of abuse they have endured delays the develoment of their brain.

4. To know that there is a system that is put in place, but continues to fail these children just like everyone and everything else in their lives.

The last two days have opened my eyes and heart to a world the devil has created here on earth, but I choose to give GLORY TO GOD for this situation and the things I have learned. I have had the wonderful and tiring task of watching 8 children, ages 2-18, 6 girls, 2 boys. They are foster children of a friend of ours that lives on the reservation. This particular person has fostered over 100 children in the last 10-15 years on this reservation and has committed most of her life to trying to preserve any innocence left in these beautiful children. 

My day started yesterday with me thinking we would start getting kids after school hours and  I would cook dinner and it would be just one happy family night. Yeah, well, not quite how it worked. I had kids coming in the house 2-3 hours prior to what time we thought they would, so naturally I start thinking I have so much to do and not enough time to do it because now I have a 2 year old and a 4 year old that is running around like crazy, on top of the fact that they do not know me nor do they care too. All they know is that they are hungry and want 16 juice boxes before dinner. So I start cooking Sante fe Soup and a very large amount. I am having to feed 3 grown men, myself (and we all know that is like feeding another grown man), Justin's son Logan and the extra 8 mouths we inherited an hour before I started cooking. So I am cooking for 13 people. I also have to make potato soup because there are certain people who can't eat certain things due to health issues. So I finally get the soups done and start on the grilled cheese.....the meal was out of control! The 2 year old is the messiest eater in the world! Then you have some that don't like "the white things in the soup" Then you have some who say it's too hot, then you have one that just eats it and is content and if anything wants to know if they can have seconds. 

From the eventful dinner we went straight to baths. The youngest two LOVE water! I did have to do a lot of damage control as far as cleaning, but they would have stayed in the bath all night if I would've let them. When they got out we do the "I'm Pretty" dance. That is when they wrap their towels around them like a dress and dance in front of the mirror singing "I'm pretty, I'm pretty, look at me, I'm pretty." It's amazing. I laughed so hard I decided to just join in! After I bath the first two then it is just a race to see who can call dibs on who is next. That usually lasts an hour, so by now it is about 7:30 or 8. As we wait on everyone to get done with their showers it's only natural to sit in my room with all of the girls and for them to wear my shoes, rip my hair out, I mean, "brush my hair," listen to Taylor Swift, Skype all the Leonardi's on the computer and chew on my phone charger so that food is lodged in the part that connects to the actual battery and get ready to separate everyone and get them into bed. The boys are so easy. They hang out, eat, watch tv or a movie and get ready for bed and that's that. Bed time for the girls is a little different. It is very hard for the young ones and I have cried every night because of the sadness I can see, feel and hear in their sweet cries. The first night was rough.  I don't know if I should go into detail, but I can say for a solid hour there was a solid cry out for comfort. It is not the cry a young child gives when you babysit your neighbors kid and their parents walk our the door and then they get so tired of crying they stop or you turn on a Disney movie and their attention immediately focuses in on the screen. It is a cry that I have never experienced. It is a cry of confusion, misunderstanding, fear, and the want to have structure and a solid foundation in their life. YES, there are cries that scream that so boldly it makes you stay up til 4am and pray for God to heal pain that can only come from the devil himself. 

This world is something I thought I would have some understanding of, but it is sick. It is demonic and it is something I know My God is powerful enough to take and use it to the Glory of God. But I am going to be so open and honest about something that I am struggling with and that is how these children can ever have a solid foundation in Christ. I have just sat here and thought, how in the world could you know that there is a God who loves and adores you more than anything in the world, but then have nobody to continually tell you that and teach that because you are going from one place to another so much you can barely remember your real name. The struggles these children have endured at the age they have endured it are far greater than any struggle I have ever heard of and ever want to experience. To have the same terrible thing happen to you over and over and over and over, so much that it mentally delays your brain development, and think they can understand God's love is hard. I never thought I would be in a place where I had to pray about something like this, but again, MY GOD is the healer of this type of pain. MY GOD is the sustainer of life. He created life, gives life, and knows when our earthly life will end and that is the comfort I turn too when I am up for 18 out of the 24 hours in a day confused about what could possibly be going on in these children's heads.

With all of the pain hid deep inside these children's heart, there is also a love that you know is a love from Jesus. They are amazing children. I pray in the name of Jesus that God opens the hearts of the parents in this city. I pray that the spiritual warfare that is constantly battling would be rebuked in the name of Jesus and this city would come to know Jesus the way God intended them too when he sent his son as a sacrifice for our sins. These children will be healed one day and I hope that day comes before they go to heaven. 

I am sorry I have no bible verse in this blog. I am sitting in my bed with the sweetest, chunkiest, 2 year old baby not being able to type too hard just in case I wake her up:) I can't get to my Bible or turn the lights to read it, but know that there will be many more to come. 

God has blessed me more in the last two days than I could have ever imagined. He is preparing me for things I will never know about until it happens and I can't wait to come back home to tell you guys my every encounter with Christ in this place. Please be praying for the people that God has chosen to be part of this ministry. Pray for the leaders, children, directors, people who make any decisions regarding Sozo Montana, Uganda, and any other place of ministry to come in the future. MY GOD IS AN AWESOME GOD. I AM HIS INSTRUMENT TO MAKE MUSIC TO GLORIFY HIS NAME IN THE HEAVENS AND ON EARTH. LET GOD USE YOU. DO NOT BE AFRAID. HE IS SMARTER THAN YOU:)